Not a Model

Today's awkwardness brought to you by imperfect me.

I hate to admit it, but it took Jason and I nearly TWO HOURS to get my baby bump picture from Monday's post!  Jason is that horrible mixture of really good photographer (so everything had to be just right) and not a portrait photographer (so we weren't really sure how to get that "just right" picture).  Even though I said, "Really, this can just be a snapshot," we had to get out multiple flashes and photography umbrellas (yes, he's that hardcore) to take the shot.

I certainly didn't help things either.  Despite my fantasies while watching America's Next Top Model, I am a horrible model.

Problem #1: I am a blinker.
We first really discovered this during my senior portraits in high school.  The photographer took three rolls of film (sidenote: how sad that the next generation won't even know what a "roll of film" is?), and 8 (yes, EIGHT) pictures turned out with my eyes even slightly opened.  The rest of the footage looked like we were taking shots while I was asleep!  *frustrating*

Since then, formal shots have been hard for me.  My deepest apologies to Marvin (my sister's wedding photographer) and Toby (my wedding photographer) for having to deal with me AND my dad, two huge blinkers.  I guess that's where my blinking genes come from (thanks Dad...).

As "open" as Toby could get our eyes...

Problem #2: My "real" smile makes me crinkle up my face.
That means that if I manage to open my eyes for the picture, my authentic smile makes them close back up.  To get my eyes open, I have to do a weird fake smile.  So then comes the debate...

Do we go with real smile/closed eyes?

Or do we go with open eyes/weird smile?

Yikes, they're both pretty bad.  The sad thing is, these are both from the "maybe" pile.  You should have seen the ones we deleted at first glance!

Problem #3: What do I do with my hands?
Anyone who has watched ANTM on a regular basis knows that a bad hand can ruin a good shot.  If I had a dollar for every time Ms. J talked about someone having "catcher's mitts" in their photo, I... well, I'd be able to buy some fast food at least.

What am I supposed to do with my hands when the point of the picture is for everyone to look at my belly?

Arms just down at my side?

Nope, that's awkward.  How about hands in my pockets?

Um... no.

Oh well, there goes my modeling career.  Too bad, I had really hoped I'd get "discovered" one day in the mall or something. ;-)