Chronicles of a Working Mom -- Part 6, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

A fellow working mom (well, one that was going to become a working mom in a few days) submitted this question:

"What have been the benefits and drawbacks for you AND your baby?"

I know I'm long-winded (and if you've been reading these posts, you know it, too!), but I will try to keep this brief.

Benefits for Me:

• Getting the chance to work.  I've mentioned before that I love teaching, so one of the main benefits of me working as a teacher is that I (duh) get to work as a teacher. Plus, I get to have adult conversations (Tyler's not quite old enough to debate with me about whether the US should force pollution standards on other countries like China) and impact people at a crucial time in their lives.  A few days ago, a few students called me over to ask my opinion on the movie "Heaven is Real."  I was able to have a theological debate with one student who is a firm believer and one who is a self-proclaimed agnostic.
• Dual income.  This wasn't in my original list for this post, but let's face it.  There are benefits to having two incomes (minus the daycare payment).
• Getting away from the house.  I'm one of the world's laziest people, and being away from home during the day actually helps me get MORE accomplished when I am at home.  If I'm there all day, I suffer from "Oh, I have all day to get this done"-itis, which leads to checking very little off my to-do list.  
• Prioritizing my day.  Any given day, I work all day, run an errand after work, get home, play with Tyler, fix dinner, do bath time and bed time with Tyler, then relax with Jason.  My day is full, but it keeps me focused on what's important.  

Drawbacks for Me:

• Exhaustion.  That's true for any parent.  The difference is that if Tyler has a sleepless night (which means I have a sleepless night), I still have to go to work the next day and be peppy and energetic and "on."  I'm on my feet and moving around all day, then need to muster up enough energy to keep up with my increasingly-mobile son.  Caffeine helps.
• Time.  I feel like I have to rush through everything these days.  Errand-running (sans kid) has to get scheduled around after-school meetings because I make it a point to be home when Jason and Tyler get home.  That also means those errands are always (ALWAYS) done with a list and I have little time to browse or enjoy my surroundings (so much for daydreaming while walking around in Target...).
• Guilt.  I love working, and I hope that Tyler will learn lessons about work ethic, missions in the workplace, and finding a career (even if the pay stinks) that he will love.  I hope that he does not grow up to regret that he missed out on some things (school birthday parties, me going to Open House to meet his teachers, etc.) because I worked during the day.  I feel guilty sometimes that I don't get to be as hands-on with his early development as my mom was with me.  I feel guilty when Jason has to stay home every time Tyler is sick because it's difficult for me to take a sick day (lesson plans where students will actually do the work but won't cheat off each other, finding a sub that won't sit at my desk on their phone all day, etc.).  I love being a working mom, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel guilty from time to time.
• Missing milestones for the first time.  It's always bittersweet when I get a report from school that Tyler has done something new -- cruising along a bookshelf, waving, "talking."  Yes, I miss out on seeing some firsts, but he does do them again.  And it's a "first" for me!
• Not being around Tyler all day.  He's a pretty cool dude, and I don't get to be around him when I'm working.  In fact, right now, I only get to see him 3 hours a day on weekdays.  That's rough sometimes.
• Nights out.  As of right now, Jason and I keep our Tyler time pretty sacred.  Since we're away from him so much during the day, we don't elect to spend any other time away from him.  That means invitations for things starting at 5pm get turned down.  That means "date night" is not a reality right now.  Sure, at some point we will spend time (other than work time) away from Tyler.  We're not those parents!  This is just a season for us.

Benefits for Tyler:

• Social interactions with other children.  Tyler gets to be around other children his age.  These children are of different ethnicities and backgrounds than he may have encountered if I was just having playdates with my friends' kids.  I think this will prepare him well for public education where he will be around all types of kids.  Several of these children are a few months older than him (though all under 1 year), and I think he's been learning a lot of behavioral things from observing them.  Just yesterday, we got a report that Tyler was crawling around the room, "visiting" his classmates.  Precious!
• Social interactions with other adults.  Tyler loooooooves his mama and daddy and his extended family.  I also think it's important that he is able to have positive interactions with other adults as well.  Tyler's teachers love him and care about him just like we do.  He gets to feel loved by a variety of people.  He also learns that different environments have different sets of rules.  He learns to obey (well, that may been a longshot) the authority of adults when we're not around.
• Variety of toys/experiences.  Jason and I (long before Tyler) knew we didn't want to buy our kid a million toys.  We didn't want to spend all that money.  We didn't want to teach our son materialism.  We didn't want to store all that junk!  Thank goodness for baby showers and borrowing from Casa de Bowen.  Tyler dividing his day between us and daycare means he gets to play with the swings and shakers and take stroller rides to see the fish while at daycare and then come home and play piano, read books, and build (well, destroy) block towers.  Everyone wins!
• Routine.  I've mentioned before that routine works really well in this household.  Tyler has the same morning routine, which is already preparing us for the days when he's forced to wake up and go to school.  It also makes getting ready for church just another day for him instead of a big ordeal where he's not used to leaving the house that early in the morning.

Drawbacks for Tyler:

• Not being around parents all day.  Most children spend the majority of their childhoods in school away from their family.  Going to daycare moves this reality up five years early for Tyler.  We're able to give him one-on-one attention and do things that his teachers aren't necessarily allowed to do (like cover him in kisses!!!!). He misses out on some of this.
• Exposure to germs.  We're not neat freaks who worry about sanitizing everything Tyler comes in contact with.  That said, of course we don't want him to be sick all the time.  Being around kids all day who haven't learned to cover their mouths when coughing (or to not lick a toy and then leave it for another kid) does lead to more colds and other bugs.

Well there you have it.  There are going to be benefits and consequences to every decision.  This is how things work in our family.  Feel free to share your opinions or thoughts in the comments section.


Next Up: Biblical View of Being a Working Mom