"My biggest concern is balance... how do you do it all? Spending quality time with the little man, time with the hubs, doing things for myself (like exercise), house stuff? It just seems like so much, but I want to enjoy life at the same time. Does this make any sense?"
Dear friend, it makes sooooo much sense. This is the plight of every parent, mother or father, working or stay-at-home. How do we do it all?
Step 1: Multitasking
Life these days is all about using precious time as efficiently as possible. There's something you just need to embrace:
Uni-tasking is now a thing of the past.
When I pump at school (hidden away in my chemical stockroom like a hermit), I'm also grading papers or eating lunch (or... don't know if this is TMI, but writing this blog post....). In the morning, I make Tyler's bottles while waiting for my coffee to brew. I unload the dishwasher while cooking dinner. I have my morning quiet time (praise God for Bible apps on my phone) while brushing my teeth. I pick out the next day's clothes while brushing my teeth at night. I don't think I ever just brush my teeth anymore...
Know what makes me annoyed with this picture? She looks so calm! Multitasking doesn't make you Zen Mama. You will still be Frazzled "did I condition my hair or just shampoo?" Mama, but what mom (working or stay-at-home) isn't? Multitasking is just that necessary evil to get things done. Time is a luxury now, so multitasking has become my new norm. In fact, I actually talked about one particularly crazy Sunday morning of multitasking in this blog post back in March.
Step 2: Routine
Let me be clear before I proceed that "routine" is not synonymous with "schedule." Back in October, Jason's coworker lent us a book about putting the baby on a schedule. It had been really helpful to her, so she was sharing the love. The next day, Jason came home to me in tears.
Actually, I take that back. I handed Tyler off to him so I could go pump (I was trying to get used to it before starting back at work in a few days) and used that pumping time to cry and compose myself. I fell into the mommy trap of "must make everyone think I'm 100% ok 100% of the time"... that's for a different blog series, though!
Anyway, I had read the book that day, and felt like a failure of a mom because my kid didn't go down for a nap at exactly 9am or want to eat exactly every 3 hours. "Schedule" was not for us.
But I'm talking about routine -- doing the same things in the same manner day after day. Routines are awesome because you can do a lot of routined things on autopilot (essential for sleep-deprived parents). I make Tyler's bottles at the same time every morning (while I'm making my lunch). That means, as long as I remember to make my lunch, I will remember to make his.
In the evenings, our house is like the movie Groundhog Day.
We do the same thing in the same order day in and day out. Tyler eats dinner, we eat dinner, Tyler has bathtime and then has bedtime. Everyone (including my kiddo) knows what's going on without having to discuss, decide, or coax. Sure, things come up ("Why won't he go to sleep?!? Doesn't he know it's bed time?!?"), but when the routine works, life is good.
Step 3: Making Time for Yourself
No matter how busy you are, you have to make time for yourself (all the magazines and books tell you so!). I don't claim to be an expert or anything, but I have found something that works well for me...
Have "Me Time" away from home
If you're at home, you'll see the dishes that need washing or the inch of dust on the furniture and feel compelled to clean rather than invest in yourself. At least, I think that's what you'll do. Very little compels me to clean. If Tyler is home, the Megan hat is quickly replaced with the Mama hat. No way I'm gonna choose me time during the few precious hours I get with him each day.
You may want to try having "me time" at work. Get to work a little earlier than you need to start your day. Use that time before everyone arrives to read a few blogs, have quiet time, or do yoga.
Or, when you're out running errands, have your "me time" by casually strolling through the clothes, Nate Berkus pillows, or seasonal tableware (none of which you're going to buy, of course, but you still enjoy looking at it all). No one says me time has to be a day trip to the spa or a weekend in Vegas with the girls. Let's be realistic here. A few minutes of fanciful daydreaming ("If I bought these melon and turquoise plates, I could have people over for a cookout and we could eat on the deck!") is a great diversion from harsh reality ("Where's the frozen pizzas and paper plates, because I don't feel like cooking and I certainly don't feel like cleaning up afterward!")
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| Dream |
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| reality |
Which brings me to...
Step 4: Acceptance
In your question, you asked "How do you do it all?" The answer is, you don't. You have to make sacrifices and readjust your priorities.
This year, I made a commitment to myself (and my family) that I wouldn't bring work home with me. For a teacher, especially a new teacher like me, that's unheard of. My students may not get back graded work the next day, but they still get it back and the world hasn't ended.
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| out with the old... |
I'm about to get real, folks and show you what our house looks like these days. Can you handle it? Some of you will not, but part of me hopes you'll be so disgusted that you'll show up on my doorstep begging to clean up my house.
Brace yourselves...
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| our kitchen table -- we eat at the island, so it's become a catch-all |
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| our living room -- shoes, toys, mail, etc. |
I'll talk more about this in a later post, but we don't go to a lot of social activities right now. Because we both work, we only get a few hours a day with Tyler, and we keep those hours sacred. After bedtime, Jason and I try to spend time together. We have to work on this some, put our phones and computers away, maybe turn off the tv a few nights a week, and really focus on us as a couple and not just as Tyler's parents (I originally had "and not just as Mama and Daddy"... but that sounded a bit dirty. Hey, remember I'm a high school teacher! I have to evaluate every statement for potential innuendo.)
Like I said, you make sacrifices. You aren't going to have as much freedom as you did pre-baby, but that's true whether you are a working parent or a stay-at-home parent.
Next Up: Will I Be a Working Mom Forever?
2 comments:
Our house looks like that at times too, but it is an instant bad mood creator for me, so Court and I both try hard to keep it cleanish. Have I scrubbed baseboards in - well ever since the kids were born? Only around the high chair where the dog didn't lick up the mess. Do we have a giant pile of papers to be filed that we shuffle from place to place when people visit? You betcha! I heard a saying once, you can only have two of the following things: happy, well-adjusted kids, a super clean house or a sane, happy wife. Choose wisely!
I like the 2/3 saying. So true!
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